In an earlier post, Mike Douglas shared how open adoption has worked well for his family after adopting his daughter at birth. This spring, Mike and Jenn's family grew again through adoption. Read below to see how each time adoption is unique and unlike any other.
During our adoption of Piper, Jenn and I came to fully understand that we need to expect the unexpected. This truth was recently tested again in our family.
After Piper’s adoption we honestly thought our family was complete. As we watched her grow and develop friendships, we saw Piper craving interaction with other children. As parents, we also felt the tug and desire to once again grow our family. In the blink of an eye, we found ourselves wading yet again into another adoption journey. Little did we know how many unexpected twists and turns this adoption journey would take. But again…expect the unexpected!
Just over a month ago, an expectant mother contacted us. We began texting with her and we felt we were really connecting. Our communication was continually influenced by our relationship with Piper's birth family. Though we were both nervous and excited, Jenn and I met this expectant mom and her daughter at a park. Piper and her daughter played together while she and Jenn stood talking and observing. Very quickly, it was evident a strong bond was developing--something we never would have thought possible! Expect the unexpected.
Just over a month ago, an expectant mother contacted us. We began texting with her and we felt we were really connecting. Our communication was continually influenced by our relationship with Piper's birth family. Though we were both nervous and excited, Jenn and I met this expectant mom and her daughter at a park. Piper and her daughter played together while she and Jenn stood talking and observing. Very quickly, it was evident a strong bond was developing--something we never would have thought possible!
After Baron’s birth, our friendship with his birth mother has continued to grow. She texts with Jenn several times a week, and we have plans to meet at least once every couple of months for play dates. As this friendship grows, we see her as we do with Piper’s birth parents--more as family than just as a friend.
What did we learn?
We have learned to expect the unexpected, but clearly there is also a level of risk. First, adoptive parents must be patient with their children's birth parents. We can never know the complexities of their lives. Maybe communication drops off, maybe scheduled visits aren’t kept. This does not necessarily mean they no longer care. The changes may come from a variety of reasons: logistical struggles, work or emotional struggles. Each birth parent faces his and her own unique emotions related to the placement of their child with an adoptive family. Always remember to assume the best, not the worst.
Secondly, the effort of pursuing a relationship is worth it. Sometimes these relationships are challenging. But our children are what matter most. The effort devoted to creating and maintaining healthy relationships, we pray, will result in long-lasting, positive outcomes for both the children and for all of their parents.
Piper and Baron are adorable, aren't they? Thank you to Mike Douglas for sharing how open adoption has shaped his family. Every adoption is unique and those who are touched by adoption each have a story to tell. Please subscribe to the podcast Untold Stories: Voices of Adoption to be encouraged by stories of others too. Hearing these stories of adoption is powerful.
And join us in person too! Our next family gathering, and celebration of five years of Adoption Support Alliance is Wednesday, June 5 at Lenny Boy Brewing Company from 6-9 pm. Bring the whole family and come hang out!